An amazing event happened on New Year’s day in my T.Nagar (venkata Narayana rd) Hari’s temple.
Generally the queue is so lengthy on New Year’s Day. The queue starts 3 to 4 streets away from the temple. The darshan of the lord starts from 2.30 am and continues through-out the day except for neyvedhyam breaks (break-fast & lunch for the lord).
I had been so happy for the entire week as I was looking forward to meeting him early in the morning on New Year’s day. Meeting him wasn’t any secret that particular day..lol!
The prior day itself, I arranged for our regular auto guy to pick me up in the morning, I chose my outfit, my accessories, planned on doing a facial, etc.., Generally when I go & meet him, I wear salwars or jeans…but on New year’s day I wanted to wear a silk Saree and be dressed up very well to meet him… just wanted to be as beautiful as possible. Always meeting him is like going on a dateJ and I knew he was going to be totally decked-up too…..WAW I was so high thinking about all that the prior day. I kept jumping around at home. I had set my alarm at 4.45am but slept only at 3…or 3.15 am because of all kinds of haunting thoughts about the special moment of meeting him the next day.
But all my happiness was put to an END the moment I got-up and noticed that I had my chums…..I couldn’t just believe it……It was not even my cycle time! Till then I had thought even he would be eager to see me but all such sweet feelings and understanding about perumal’s love was shaken-up for a moment. You know, honestly I wasn’t mad at him neither did I weep….I was shocked totally! ..I just made up my mind to anyways go to T.Nagar as per the plan, and see him from the road itself. In that particular temple, you can see the lord even when you stand outside the temple. I thought I can just stand outside, see him (rather he can see me) and get back.(ofcourse he always sees me..thats different) but just wanted the union of T.nagar perumal…..I was so desperate! But I did not tell anyone about my chums as they wouldn’t allow me to go to temple during periods time. As per our family practices, we are even prohibited to utter his names for those 4 days….but I utter his name, do all my prayers but I refrain from going to temples…I have been brought-up like that…
However, I reached the temple and was taken aback at the queue. I tried catching his glimpse standing outside the temple but no luck…I could only see N number of head counts who were rushing to see him. Only then I started crying….I was standing out and crying not knowing what to do…..No No I did not expect to go near him …..but just wanted to see him atleast from far away distance. Since even that was not possible, I made-up my mind to stand in Q, reach very close to the actual gate(entrance of the temple), look at him once and then return back straight away without entering inside the gate. So I stood in queue, kept singing one of the Hari Kirtans not with sooooooo much of love though…as I was displeased with my Hari…….hmmm even if you are mad at him where can you run away from him? Whether he makes you happy or sad or mad, you have none other than HARI…….anyway, I just reached the actual entrance, saw him for a second from outside, just came abruptly out of the Queue without entering the gate. After coming out of the queue, I kept looking at him from behind the locked gates of the prayer hall…..Couple of volunteers were standing there…I just stood there for about few seconds, one of the volunteers literally yelled at me for standing there out-side the prayer hall. The prayer hall was locked for darshan that day! And it was not fair to stand behind the prayer hall gate and take his darshan so I immediately obeyed when the volunteers tried pushing me away from that place. My heart was so filled with displeasure on Hari that I couldn’t even utter a word nor shed a drop of tear that time. I just came out thinking…”ok let me leave from this place!!!” I don’t know what happened….one of the volunteers there came to me and said, “You want to see the lord, right?”……..I showed him a “NO” facial expression as Only I know that am not allowed to go in. That volunteer just brushed away my “NO” facial expressions and straight away went ahead and unlocked the prayer hall gate and said, “Go…….Go Inside, there are two benches for the cops to stand & guide the q….you go and stand-up on one of those benches and have a complete darshan of the lord” I was startled…....No one was allowed there….only few cops were standing inside. ….I just couldn’t enter the gate even when the volunteer forced me to get in…I stood outside the gate of prayer hall like a stone….that volunteer kept forcing me…”Ponga ponga…..” (“Go Go”)……I just couldn’t step-in even then….in my heart I said to the lord, “ohhhhhhhhh…….How will I come now????” guys you won’t believe what the volunteer said to me….he said with a stern tone looking at me, “AM telling you….. GO IN & HAVE HIS DARSHAN!!!!!!!!!” I just stepped-in and straight went inside, stood next to one of the cops on the bench & had his beautiful darshan……I cried & laughed simultaneously…it was such a beautiful moment!!!!!! ……and I was there standing & crying for his abundant mercy & love……He was draped in a golden color outfit…he was so beautiful and literally smiled at me so much! I don’t know what the cops would have thought…..no one was there in that hall except for those 2 cops & myself….. There was q separator in between & the queue was moving right in front of us…the cops were monitoring the Q. I got his darshan for such a long time and returned back with so much of happiness. Thank God I had my chums! It was such a special day! I couldn’t even utter a word to him out of joy…
While handling such a huge crowd and especially when one is prohibited to go to the prayer hall and with all the cops standing there, why on earth would someone unlock the gate and force a girl to get-in and have his darshan? Who on earth would someone compel a girl to have his darshan even when the dumb female refuses to do so…..?
What do I say about his mercy & love the world is lucky to have such a sweet lord…..
No one can love us as much as Hari loves us…..He is crazy to love us so much….what else can I say!!!! We are not crazy like him……we love the most precious one…we love the most adorable one…..we love the greatest of the great……look at him!!!! ….he loves the most unworthy one!!!!!!!! Of what benefit are we to him? We are not crazy like him…we love the best one!
Wish everyone could have that sweet fortune that you received directly from Krishna...not everyone is that lucky... =(
ReplyDelete(just a bad day I guess, I feel really down, I feel really unlucky)
Ohh Tanvee..,
ReplyDeletePls don't feel unlucky tanvee....i know..it might be one of those dull days wherein u know u feel avoided from him..but tanvee the moment wud just pass-by and within no mins u wud realise how much you mean to him:-)
No tanvee.....Sometimes he doesn't express his love...(I have faced that a lot of times wherein he just remains still)- maybe he likes doing all that---bcas then u know, we feel sad & want his love MORE- whereas when he expresses we just stay happy and there is no emotional war or intense craving for anything...
Krishna is such an enjoyer of relationship!!! He Njoys when u cry for him- at times he behaves as though he neglects but u know thats only to give u(or rather increase) that emotional desire(LONGING for him)...
I dont know why u find urself unlucky today_ i was just guessing if ur feeling avoided by him (he has made me feel like that a loT)....dont worry tanvee....WE ALL belong to HIM:-))Totally trust me Tanvee...HE'll never part from us:-) u know tanvee..the more we crave and love him, HE craves & loves us a 100 times more...its just nt from scriptures tanvee...U wud have realised it many a times. So if U r feeling unlucky (& if the reason is being unable to see his love-u know just 4 nw----U wud have seen his love in the past for sure-try & recollct all that tanvee)just let it go...HE loves you:-)
However, if ur upset for some wordly stuff- again my dear, we have HIM...just face ur karma & leave everything to his will!!!!!
U R certainly V V V LUCKY! It is said in many puranas that in the age of darkness (Kaliyug), only inteligent hold on to Krishna....& the word "intellgent" here has got nothing to do with math or science..its all about realising that Krishna is everything in life...:-) We all know U R IN that platform wherein u cant survive without Krishna....now answer me...CAN U even wake-up one morning if u know Krishna wud disapper that morning??? NOPE-U wud rather prefer not waking up AT ALL!!!!! So my dear, U R V LUCKY to hold that LOVE for him:-) & u hold that love only bcas he has enticed U....& he has enticed ONLY bcas HE loves u:-))))
BE happy sweetheart....WE LOVE U:-)))) VERY MUCH!!! VERY VERY MUCH dear friend!
Luen
Oh thanks so much Luen for words of solace...Unbelievable that unseen and unheard friends, of whom I know very little, except the Krishna factor, would care so much to cheer me up! Oh how to express my gratitude towards you??
ReplyDeleteThank you thank you...
All that you say is very very right. He loves us more than we think He does. He enjoys relationships etc
Every word u wrote is authentic in meaning.
For as change, it was a wordly thing this time which upset me. Knowing me, I hate to trouble Kanha for mundane affairs; I think that He will think That I trouble Him for trivial wordly matters...I want to be His "perfect" bhakt you see...troubling Him for anything else except asking for His love, is prohibited in my mind! I feel VERY BAD if I ask him for material help. I feel guilty somehow...If I do ask,then, the thought of me being a bad bhakt haunts me thereafter!!
So yesterday when Something stupid occured in life, I wanted to complain to Him, but I couldn't. All i could say to Him was, " I have nothing to say to you Kanha," and I left the room.
You won't believe, throughout the day, He tried to cheer me up! I was admiring His attempts.
Most usually, I am coaxing and pleasing Him...but it was His turn yesterday! I had to smile...And I realised something which I wrote in my journal too. Here it goes:
" If the entire universe had to turn against me, You would be the only One I could look to; You would be the only One, who would look back . . ."
Tanvee :) 04.01.12
Wow..tanvee..thats V V true:-) He is the ONE & ONLY relationship for us who wud look back!!!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Luen
aka,
ReplyDeletei have tears in my eyes.
i had been really let down, and came online seeking some respite.
And, your words just cut through my heart.
Tanvee, it does get to us sometimes. But, sometimes, i feel it is better to talk about our problems than not at all.
Coz one of the times wen i got really cut away from Him is when i tried not to talk about my problems. i do realize that it would be better not to complain. But, i am neither that perfect. i feel better when i confide in Him. And, i confess, more times than not, i ask Him for His help, even mundane things.
But that is His love- the simplest and completely insignificant things i have asked for- He has always granted.
Like, for example, if i didnt bring a book to school, i would pray noone noticed. If i got late somewhere, i would beg that whatever it was waited fr me.
i have got so used to His miraculous favours now, that it is tough to break from that habit.
Hey ILWK you are absolutely right! Like I said earlier, I try to be His "perfect bhakt," but eventually, I turn materialistic and end up asking Him to solve my stupid issues for me. And He does! Just like as He does for you, He has granted all my wishes when the right time came. I am used to His favors too!! We are so similar ILWK!!
ReplyDeleteBtw...wat troubled me has now been resolved by His grace. Thank you guys for all the love and LUEN's efforts in cheering me up :)
tanvee: Yes. And sometimes, i wonder, that if i couldnt feel His hands on the shoulders of my heart- consoling, supporting, encouraging, raring me to go on- where would i go? Whom did i have?
ReplyDeleteIf i did not confide in Him, whom would i confide in??
i remember my mom telling me, "i may not be with you all the time. No one can always be with you. But He will. Whether or not anyone else is there, Krishna will always stay with you. So, trust Him."
Good girls both of u:-) Pat pat!!!!! hehe
ReplyDeleteYeah we have HIM alone for each & everything...like when we play board game at home, sometimes if am so desperate to win....i just call-out....KRISHNAAAAA PLZZZZZ and u know everytime he makes me WIN:-))) Each & every time & that too in a very miraculous manner..wherein there'll be NO chance for winning & still he'll make me win:-))) PPL who play with get so jealous of that special attention gvn (and they say its not fair of Krishna) I laugh & say....if u want to win, just call HIM:-)
& our house is surrounded by a gardens...(not a v big one though)...We have few flowers like parijatham, hibiscus, arali..thulsi etc.., we pluck them and prepare garlands for Lord Hari..& so many ppl have seen snacks in that area...Our area is v interior actually! so generally am V V scared of snacks or any insects for that matter...each & every morning whenever i step out of my house (to pluck flowers for him or for anything) I just call-out- "Venkataramana!!!!!".......and everytime am always V V safe:-) He takes such a good care!
& am v scared of DOGS.....many times dogs have come chasing me....I'll just close my eyes & call-out, "RAMAAAAAAAAAAAA" the dog wud take an about turn and run away....(many times this has happnd) or the Dog wud just stay still the moment I call his name....:-) In so many ways Lord Hari protects us whether we are aware or not...he still takes care....& whthr we call out to him or not!!!! He's still there for us...but am sooooo used to calling him for everything...even if cough or sneeze somehow...I end-up saying, "Rama" or "Krishna" ...got so used to it...sometimes this happens even in dreams.....
I personally NJOY being so dependent on him these days...initially even i used to feel calling him for wordly stuff is so silly....but TODAY for everything & anything I have only HIM!!!!!! Even if I constipate, I call-out...."Krishna...I can't bear".....when I comb my hair, if the hair so entangled that it becomes hard for me to comb, I complain, "LOOK at my hair Krishna...horrible it is!!!!!!!" hehe....so for everything u know...I need him without him...I can't even lift a PIN!!!!!! ppl laugh at me at home...but u know I NJOY being so dependent on Hari.....Actually u know he too njoys that!!!
Oppppppppssssss instead of "SNAKES" I have typed "SNACKS""""""" hehehehehehee hahahaha am laughing now..............V BAD!!!!! Sorry guys...may be am hungryyy!
ReplyDelete