Message to Lord Hari..

Hmm My Lord Hari, won’t you come out of your intricate maze and reveal yourself to me?

You are the one who stole this heart and now how could you be so detached from me?

You are one who came chasing me but the moment I looked around to find you, YOU have GONE to the invisible city to which no one knows the route!!!(atleast I do not know the route)…

The more I try to find you, the more you hide behind the screens…

The more I try to understand you, you try to make it more complex for me by hiding in puzzles..

The more I want to be with you, looks like you make me chase you more vigorously…..I do get breathless Hari….!

The less or more I talk to you….your ONLY response is SILENCE!!! Am I talking to my bedroom walls Hari? Hmm…even in that case, the walls would have given me some response to my tears?

Is this fair on your part dear lord??

I have told my friends that you are easily approachable with a lot of confidence in you…now you are contradicting my understanding is it dear lord?

Is it a new test? Or a new game of love?

Whatever be it…..am yours! You have full authority on me. Am ALL yours for ever & ever! You may play any sort of game whether it brings smile on my face or tears on my eyes…both are same to me as long as this heart is glued to your enchanting form….

Dear Narayana.., If you are going to complain about my inadequate devotion to you & if you are going to establish that as a reason for not coming in front of me , dear Lord, here …I have only one response to all your complains……**am Surrender unto you totally**...Nothing belongs to me except YOU Hari! Am like a clay in your beautiful hands. You have to give your desired shape, color, size and make it your favorite pot! What control does the clay have Hari????? Can the poor clay turn into a beautiful huge colorful pot on its own? I can’t even untangle myself from materialistic complex knots all by myself without YOU then how do you expect me to please you Hari……?

You should only bless me to please you Hari……forever!

You should bless me to make you HAPPY…forever!

You should make me a worthy instrument in your hand….forever!

You should ALWAYS keep me attracted to you alone…..

The moment I place a cup of milk in a vessel and say, “krishnarpanam!” thinking about you, it becomes yours, isn’t it? I place myself on a bed of roses and say.., “Krishnarpanam!”……..only the roses reach you is it sweet Hari? I don’t think so my pillows get drenched in tears of those lucky roses Hari? ……oh if you have misunderstood……please watch me closely Hari…….my pillows get drenched out of my unstoppable tears………my bed sheets get drenched out of passion for YOU alone Hari…..

Nothing more can this shameless creature say Hari……

I Love you my dear lord…..perhaps it is nothing in front of your eyes after having immersed in the immense love of your other dear girlfriends and consorts BUT please remember dear Narayana this heart doesn’t crave for anyone or anything else as it craves for you! You have swallowed my entire heart and forgotten all about it totally L

The New Year episode!

An amazing event happened on New Year’s day in my T.Nagar (venkata Narayana rd) Hari’s temple.

Generally the queue is so lengthy on New Year’s Day. The queue starts 3 to 4 streets away from the temple. The darshan of the lord starts from 2.30 am and continues through-out the day except for neyvedhyam breaks (break-fast & lunch for the lord).

I had been so happy for the entire week as I was looking forward to meeting him early in the morning on New Year’s day. Meeting him wasn’t any secret that particular day..lol!

The prior day itself, I arranged for our regular auto guy to pick me up in the morning, I chose my outfit, my accessories, planned on doing a facial, etc.., Generally when I go & meet him, I wear salwars or jeans…but on New year’s day I wanted to wear a silk Saree and be dressed up very well to meet him… just wanted to be as beautiful as possible. Always meeting him is like going on a dateJ and I knew he was going to be totally decked-up too…..WAW I was so high thinking about all that the prior day. I kept jumping around at home. I had set my alarm at 4.45am but slept only at 3…or 3.15 am because of all kinds of haunting thoughts about the special moment of meeting him the next day.

But all my happiness was put to an END the moment I got-up and noticed that I had my chums…..I couldn’t just believe it……It was not even my cycle time! Till then I had thought even he would be eager to see me but all such sweet feelings and understanding about perumal’s love was shaken-up for a moment. You know, honestly I wasn’t mad at him neither did I weep….I was shocked totally! ..I just made up my mind to anyways go to T.Nagar as per the plan, and see him from the road itself. In that particular temple, you can see the lord even when you stand outside the temple. I thought I can just stand outside, see him (rather he can see me) and get back.(ofcourse he always sees me..thats different) but just wanted the union of T.nagar perumal…..I was so desperate! But I did not tell anyone about my chums as they wouldn’t allow me to go to temple during periods time. As per our family practices, we are even prohibited to utter his names for those 4 days….but I utter his name,  do all my prayers but I refrain from going to temples…I have been brought-up like that…

However, I reached the temple and was taken aback at the queue. I tried catching his glimpse standing outside the temple but no luck…I could only see N number of head counts who were rushing to see him. Only then I started crying….I was standing out and crying not knowing what to do…..No No I did not expect to go near him …..but just wanted to see him atleast from far away distance. Since even that was not possible, I made-up my mind to stand in Q, reach very close to the actual gate(entrance of the temple), look at him once and then return back straight away without entering inside the gate. So I stood in queue, kept singing one of the Hari Kirtans not with sooooooo much of love though…as I was displeased with my Hari…….hmmm even if you are mad at him where can you run away from him? Whether he makes you happy or sad or mad, you have none other than HARI…….anyway, I just reached the actual entrance, saw him for a second from outside, just came abruptly out of the Queue without entering the gate. After coming out of the queue, I kept looking at him from behind the locked gates of the prayer hall…..Couple of  volunteers were standing there…I just stood there for about few seconds, one of the volunteers literally yelled at me for standing there out-side the prayer hall. The prayer hall was locked for darshan that day! And it was not fair to stand behind the prayer hall gate and take his darshan so I immediately obeyed when the volunteers tried pushing me away from that place. My heart was so filled with displeasure on Hari that I couldn’t even utter a word nor shed a drop of tear that time.  I just came out thinking…”ok let me leave from this place!!!” I don’t know what happened….one of the volunteers there came to me and said, “You want to see the lord, right?”……..I showed him a “NO” facial expression as Only I know that am not allowed to go in. That volunteer just brushed away my “NO” facial expressions and straight away went ahead and unlocked the prayer hall gate and said, “Go…….Go Inside, there are two benches for the cops to stand & guide the q….you go and stand-up on one of those benches and have a complete darshan of the lord” I was startled…....No one was allowed there….only few cops were standing inside. ….I just couldn’t enter the gate even when the volunteer forced me to get in…I stood outside the gate of prayer hall like a stone….that volunteer kept forcing me…”Ponga ponga…..” (“Go Go”)……I just couldn’t step-in even then….in my heart I said to the lord, “ohhhhhhhhh…….How will I come now????”  guys you won’t believe what the volunteer said to me….he said with a stern tone looking at me, “AM telling you….. GO IN & HAVE HIS DARSHAN!!!!!!!!!” I just stepped-in and straight went inside, stood next to one of the cops on the bench & had his beautiful darshan……I cried & laughed simultaneously…it was such a beautiful moment!!!!!! ……and I was there standing & crying for his abundant mercy & love……He was draped in a golden color outfit…he was so beautiful and literally smiled at me so much! I don’t know what the cops would have thought…..no one was there in that hall except for those 2 cops & myself….. There was q separator in between & the queue was moving right in front of us…the cops were monitoring the Q.  I got his darshan for such a long time and returned back with so much of happiness.  Thank God I had my chums! It was such a special day! I couldn’t even utter a word to him out of joy…

While handling such a huge crowd and especially when one is prohibited to go to the prayer hall and with all the cops standing there, why on earth would someone unlock the gate and force a girl to get-in and have his darshan?  Who on earth would someone compel a girl to have his darshan even when the dumb female refuses to do so…..?

What do I say about his mercy & love the world is lucky to have such a sweet lord…..

No one can love us as much as Hari loves us…..He is crazy to love us so much….what else can I say!!!! We are not crazy like him……we love the most precious one…we love the most adorable one…..we love the greatest of the great……look at him!!!! ….he loves the most unworthy one!!!!!!!! Of what benefit are we to him? We are not crazy like him…we love the best one!